I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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