thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
