Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
