I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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