You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
