are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
