I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
