i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
