Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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