like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
