This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
