So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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