Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
