If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
