i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
