He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were trust falling into bushes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
