wat bout pragnant strippers??
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
