Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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