elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
