You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
