I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
