i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
