google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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