when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
...so i touched it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
