so that wasnt chicken after all
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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