i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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