I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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