She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
