guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
