Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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