i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
