yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
