oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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