Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
