I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
