I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
