the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
