The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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