Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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