I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
