I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
