Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
