After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
