oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She bit a glass in half.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize