C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
