Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
