I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I love having hate sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
