Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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