sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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