Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
