i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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