I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
