i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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