You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
