Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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