Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
