I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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