after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
