I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
