frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
