I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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