fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
