I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
