remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just cropdusted the office
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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