morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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