do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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