Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
