when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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