I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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