Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life is pants optional.
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