Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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