I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
