So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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